Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
