I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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