when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
