went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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