I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize