Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
