can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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