Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
