i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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