i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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