he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize