You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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