I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
