it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
