Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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