watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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