I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
