Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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