Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
