I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
