I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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