he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
