He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
