he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
