i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
