the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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