Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
