Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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