I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i will never coherently bang her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
