I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
