Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
