we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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