why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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