My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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