So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
