Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
