just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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