WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
