he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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