doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
