Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
