I showed him my bush... on skype.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
