you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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