We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
