I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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