It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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