Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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