he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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