I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
