So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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