My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
