i barfeds in our rink
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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