Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize