What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
