She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
