I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
