So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize