I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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