You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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