You just made me feel so damn special
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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