So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
