the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
