Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
