my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
