Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
