..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
