i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
