In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
