I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
