We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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