I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
