I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
