do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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