I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
