We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
